What is a Mahram?

Happy beautiful rainy day everyone! Well at least in my corner of the world I can sit and write this in my cozy robe while listening to the rain pouring outside

The title of this piece, to a more seasoned Muslim/ah might seem like a pretty basic question. What is a mahram? But I am coming to find more and more that many women don’t have much of an idea at all about who actually counts as a mahram, and even then what a mahram should be seeing of them.

Here in Algeria, for example, I don’t think the concept of mahram even exists. If a man is family, or family-in-law, no matter how far removed, he can see whatever. And often times he has unlimited access to the house without so much as knocking or announcing himself.

For me, who is pretty strict about who I will let see me without a hijab on, this is pretty problematic.

I have also come to find that there seems to be an attitude here of “hijab is something you wear out-of-doors, if you are in a building it’s fine.” I remember going to a wedding recently with my mother in law (which really needs a whole post dedicated to just that…), and wanting to wear a simple dress and headscarf. But my mother in law convinced me to let her dress me up Algerian style, as it would be a closed, all women’s section.

So I got dressed up, covered up everything with my abaya and scarf, and headed out. As soon as we got there we were ushered into a hall full of women. Feeling decently secure, I went with my mother in law to the changing room where we both shed our abayas and revealed the beautiful gowns underneath.

Within five minutes of me sitting down at my table and pastries being served, the male chef meanders out of the kitchen door that was directly facing me. Thank God I had kept a shawl with me—I have learned not to trust any “all women’s” spaces—and I quickly held it up in front of me like a screen.

After he left I secured it around my head and shoulders, but after a little while the female servers convinced me that he was gone now and it was ok to take it off.

So, like a fool, I did. Cue the camera. Every time the music would start up, a woman with a video camera and one taking photos would begin to roam around the room. Not to mention the 600 selfies taking place every minute. So, though everyone tried to assure me that the video and photos would only be watched by the females of the family, I wrapped up every time they came around.

Cameras turned off, I once again began to feel a bit more secure, and let my shawl drape around my shoulders. Some of my husband’s father’s family came around and wanted to take pictures with us, so I stood up, leaving the shawl on. And of course I was told: take the khimar off!!

So I did. And instead of a two second photo op, it turned into more like a ten minute photo shoot with the family. And halfway through who walked in the front doors? A whole troop of 20 something year old men carrying boxes, etc. to set up some of the other décor. And of course when they marched in, I was the thing directly in their line of sight.

I ducked out of the photos as quickly as I could, grabbed my shawl and ran back to the changing room on the brink of tears, calling my husband to come get me and take me home.

Anyhow, lesson learned, no matter how much pressure is put on me by any single person in this country, I will not take my hijab off outside of my own room ever again.

But the point I am trying to get at here, is that everybody seemed to think that because we were in a “women only” room, that the men and cameras that came in and out didn’t quite count or something.

So I want to set the record straight for everyone that is wondering, or just doesn’t know who your actual mahrams are. There aren’t that many, and Surah al-Noor, verse 31 lays them all out for us.

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what [must ordinarily] appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments.” Quran 24:31

So, in our day and age the people who are considered mahram, or forbidden to ever marry you, and in front of whom you do not have to wear a hijab, boil down to two categories: mahrams by blood and mahrams by marriage.

Mahrams by blood are your father, including your grandfather, etc., and your sons, including your grandsons, etc.. This category also includes your brother and any nephews you may have from brothers or sisters.  Uncles from both the mother’s and father’s side can also be included in this list, though not mentioned in the verse, because of their status as being nearly like your own parents.

Mahrams related by breastfeeding can also be a part of this category.

Mahrams by marriage include only those in the direct line of your husband, i.e. his father, grandfather, etc. and his sons, grandsons, etc.

This means not his brothers, not his uncles, not his cousins. Not even your own cousins are mahram because you are permitted to marry them!

Besides this you can uncover in front of women and small children (though these days I don’t know what child doesn’t have a sense of the shame of sex anymore!).

I won’t go into the slaves and servants without physical needs part, because firstly, I don’t have a lot of knowledge on that, and secondly, I don’t think this is something widely practised in 2016, so not really something I am concerned about.

So there you have it, the relatively short list of people whom you don’t have to observe hijab in front of. Though you do not have to wear a hijab in front of them, Islam does encourage modesty in all aspects of life, so for me personally, even with mahrams I find that “the more the merrier” where clothes are concerned. For females I may lighten it up a bit, but the only person that I should be going all out with the makeup and the hair and the dressing up is my lovely husband!

But that is a post for a different day.

So what do you think? For those of you that were unclear on who a mahram was before, did this help to clarify? Or was there something that is different from what you thought you knew?

Let me know =)

Peace.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “What is a Mahram?

  1. 👍 well written. If you firm about your rules then although it’s hard at first people soon accept it. When I went into niqaab I had the same problem my family didn’t mind me wearing out of the house but not in the house. Because I was firm in my decision and refused to let it go they soon got used to it and began warning me whenever anyone came to visit. Visitors are not allowed to barge into your house anyway no matter how close family they are. Infact Nabi (S.A.W) even told a man he needs to knock and seek permission from his mother to enter the house that they live both lived in.
    The wedding situation is the same here. I only wear a dress if it’s someone also in niqaab getting married because those seem to be the only weddings that are actually completely separate. I never take off my hijab even here and stick to wearing long sleeved dresses and keep my Abaya and niqaab on the backrest of my chair.
    Sorry for the rant 🙈

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ashleybounoura

      No worries, I totally understand your rant! It is very difficult when the people around you don’t have the same level of respect for it that you do…even when you are doing your best to practice others can make it near impossible. Honestly I have just stopped trusting anything that says “women only,” I won’t even adjust my hijab in a public toilet anymore because sometimes male cleaners barge in. It is ridiculous :/ so many people are so sadly unaware of the prophetic manners when it comes to entering other houses, or even their own, and most have no idea what gender separation and mahrams even mean.
      But inshAllah we will be rewarded for our intentions and doing our best in the situation we are in!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. True. Really? Alhamdulillah I haven’t experienced that. I know. Ameen. About the slaves thing, it doesn’t apply anymore because slavery was abolished in the last year of the life of Rasulullah (S.A.W) so slavery is not permissible any more thus it won’t apply.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Why is it that the world’s “Muslim cultures” (an oxymoron) are so inconsiderate of what should be Islamic norms? I don’t have the training in social psychology to even begin to answer.

    I used to think Arabs were so much better about these things than Asians… maybe because the Lebanese family I was practically a part of was. My wife wears burqa`, and she faces similar problems from her (non-mahram) relatives. They just don’t think! And the way a lot of them lazily throw on their dupatta (I call it a half-jab)… what’s the bloody point?

    Just one of our many, many problems 😧

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ashleybounoura

      Half-jab 😂 ah I appreciate that…but I agree it is such a huge issue. I see women here when random men come into their houses to like, fix the sink or something they don’t even bother to throw something on their heads until they’ve opened the door, shaken hands and had a ten minute chat with him :/ it still shocks me a little bit.

      Like

  3. Love this post! Alhamdulillah my husband’s family in Algeria follow the rules of mahrams and hijab as they should be followed but they’re definitely in the minority 😩
    It definitely surprised me how my husband talks about Algeria, at first I assumed a Muslim country would be much more… Islamic I guess!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ashleybounoura

      I know how you feel…it is beautiful to be able to wake up to the athaan here and not worry about whether the sand which you are buying is halal…but I feel like there are so many Islamic manners and just very basic things that are missing here 😕

      Like

  4. As Salamu Alaikum sis!
    I really enjoyed this post and it was refreshing to read about someone who also appreicates the importance of mahram and non mahram. In the beginning, I had no idea who was who, I just assumed like many people do. As soon as I learned, I changed. It doesn’t matter how close we are as a family – non mahram are still non mahram and get treated as so. Alhamdulillah…
    Also, I’ve been to “all women” wedding’s and so glad that I did wear my hijab as there were so many ways that a non mahram if he wanted to could actually see you. Not many seemed to care but of course modesty should be within our hearts not something we pick up and leave down whenever our mood changes.
    Alhamdulillah for this great post. May Allah reward you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ashleybounoura

      Wa alaikum salaam!
      Thank you for your comment, I am so glad to hear you enjoyed the post 🙂
      It is very difficult in today’s day and age, but like you said modesty should be our first instinct, not something to be cast aside in the name of culture or a special day.
      Thank you for your dua and ameen!
      InshAllah I can continue to provide interesting and helpful posts!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: I Went to a Wedding and it was Kinda Traumatic – Muslimah According to Me

  6. Pingback: To the Sisters on the Fence about Hijab – Muslimah According to Me

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s