I usually try to keep as much of my personal issues off of my blog as possible, but today I seem to be having an unusually hard time of things.
I feel like we have hit every roadblock and delay physically possible on this visa application, I am feeling homesick, missing family, and feeling trapped in a country with no infrastructure upon which to build any semblance of a life. The simplest things feel impossible to me; I can’t even keep up with one of my favorite hobbies—writing good ol’ snail mail—because the postal system here is so dysfunctional.
So yeah, I’m feeling a bit down.
Lately I have been just trying to remind myself that this is life. Allah swt tells us multiple times in the Qur’an that the believers will be tested with losses and hard times, and how often do we hear that the more Allah swt tests a servant, the more He loves him? The prophets, the most beloved people to Allah swt, went through unimaginable trials and tribulations.
But it feels so hard when you are in it. It feels like this one day is never going to end, let alone this whole life. It is hard to see the end goal through the fog of sadness, disappointment, loss, or any other negative emotions we are experiencing.
I told one of my sisters in a Whatsapp group earlier today that literally all I have right now is dua and prayer, and I am just giving it all up to Allah swt. And she reminded me that sometimes that is the very reason that we are put through hardships.
Allah swt wants to hear us call out to Him, He wants to hear us ask him. He wants us to remember Who it is that we are truly reliant upon, and Who can give us anything that we want or need.
There are also so many lessons to be learned in hardships. I know for me personally, living in a country where pretty much every aspect of daily life is an uphill battle, I have learned to appreciate so many things that I never thought about before. A functional postal system, craft stores where I can get embroidery supplies, running water that can be made hot or cold on a whim, steady electricity, an internet connection, the fresh fruit on my table. All of these are such gifts that I never thought about before it was difficult to find them.
During hardships we also learn to be humble. Humility is one of the best-loved characteristics to Allah swt, and sometimes we just have to learn it the hard way. Nothing brings you lower than knowing that the only way out of the trouble you are facing is to cry to Allah swt, nothing reminds you of His might and His power more than complete, and utter reliance on Him.
If life was all good times we as humans would never remember how much we need Allah swt, and we would not ever be able to taste the sweetness of the good without the bitter contrast of the bad. That is what I am reminding myself of today; I am remembering other times in my life that were hard, and how I thought they would last forever. And they didn’t.
And I am imagining how it is going to feel once all of these things which, right now, I feel like are impossible to resolve, are finally finished and I have moved on to better times. How much I will appreciate the ease and the rest, how grateful I will be to Allah swt for giving me the best possible outcome.
Because we never know what amazing things Allah swt has in store for us. All we can do in the moment is pray, ask, cry to Him and wait out the storm.